why us?

I've asked this question of myself repeatedly. Why us? Why did our daughter have to die? I know death is the ultimate end and we are all pre destined to it but why did our daughter have to be taken? Were we bad parents? Did we neglect to take care of her? Was someone so angry with us that he decided it was right to take Samantha? It all seems so pointless to me now. Wasn't the reason for my being here on earth to be a father to my children so that they may have their own children? Why is it so hard for a priest to explain to me why God would take my little girl? There has been no words from anyone that has removed the hopelessness that I feel. I don't wish to give up on life, I still have my wife and son to love. It just seems that life is giving up on me.

I was at Barnes and Nobel yesterday and I browsed through the religion section. I was hoping to find some answers in a book. I was so sure I would find something that I found myself listening to myself tell picking out titles. I found a book written by an angel(yeah I know, you don't have to say it), I was fascinated enough by the title that I picked it up to read. I actually read a few chapters and I found the book fascinating. What I read told me that we all have inner voices that speak to us and guide us, we are so busy with our daily routines that we often block out these voices. I know I'm going to sound psychotic but I speak to my self every day and it's been going on for as long as I remember. We think of these voices as nothing but random thoughts and notes to ourselves but what if there really is a spirit or angel if you will speaking to us? I know, I know, it's a reach and I'm grasping a straws to this point but what if? Haven't you had an inkling, a thought or action that you attributed to instinct or how about that feeling of deja vu?

I often have dialogues with myself over daily decisions, most people would characterize this as normal thought processes. I thought so too. I've often discarded ideas or suppressed urges to take action by thinking the thought crazy or being too shy. I should have listened to myself the morning my daughter died, I could have saved her life if I had just taken her to the doctor. Will I jump off the building if that little voice in my head tells me to? Hell no! Will I be more apt to listen? Yes! Am I going crazy over Samantha? How can I not? I've re-read what I wrote and I seem to have a lot of questions and very little faith. I totally agree with that statement. I want to believe so badly in the love of God, if only to know that he has taken Samantha into his kingdom. I want to believe that her spirit still exists and thrives in a place with no hate, no hunger, no disease, no want, no madness and no death. I've often asked customer's buying cars from me to take a leap of faith when making a buying decision. I have been unable to take that leap of faith with God, everything tells me to turn away. I had a conversation with Beverly, the person who sent me the book, Within Heaven's Gates. I asked her if she believed the what was written in the book and without hesitation she said yes. I could see in her face that she truly believed, I told her I was envious. Is the Kingdom of God only available to those who believe? Is it truly that easy to be a bad person all your life and then be accepted to heaven by accepting Jesus's mercy?