Rest in Peace

We picked up Samantha's remains from the funeral home and drove down to Spencerville MD today. After almost a month, our daughter has been put to rest. I couldn't hold down the tears this morning as we drove to the funeral home, I was experiencing Samantha's funeral for the 2nd time. It's true what they say, a part of you dies with your child and you are never the same person. How can anyone or anything do one thing to me that is worse than taking Samantha from me? What can be worse? All the emotions of the last month came flooding back to me as we drove down to the temple. Lilly and Rob were with me and we just talked about all the memories we had of Samantha. There were a lot of laughter mixed in with the tears, I guess we needed this as much for us as it was for her.

The temple is actually a ranch home situated on an acre and 1/2 of land. The columbarium is 4 brick walls lined in a semi circle and faces the afternoon sun. Mymom, brother Charles, sister in law Kay and my cousin Willie and his wife came to witness the ceremony. The Temple is located within 10 minutes of each of them. The Urn that was specially ordered for Samantha was beautiful, it was pale and of the highest jade quality. There were inscriptions in chinese all around and Samantha's name and year of birth and death were incribed in the center. I was allowed to take her cremains from the temporary box and place it in the urn. After the Reverend sealed the urn, he chanted prayers for Samantha for about 10 minutes. During the prayers, I began to imagine her running around and doing cartwheels and climbing the trees in this back yard. I couldn't control the tears because I knew this was her telling me it that things were going to be ok. After the prayer, I took her urn and placed it inside the space provide for her on inside second box on the lower left corner of the second wall. The Reverend sealed her space with the inscription of her name and birth date and death date.

I will never stop crying for her loss but now I am comforted that her final resting place lies within the peaceful sanctuary of this temple. Although it is now a house, there are plans to build a real temple. I will be able to visit her whenever I get to visit my mom and I will take every opportunity to do so. My heart aches just a little less now that we have put her to rest. I hope that I will be able to hold my daughter once again when it is time for me to leave my life behind. I hope that her spirit is with my father's spirit, keeping each other company. I hope that she will visit us often and keep watch over us, especially her brother Jonathan. I hope that I can keep to my plan of sending her balloons of the 6th of every month. I hope that I will continue to honor her and cherish her till my death. I will try to make sense of Samantha's death and I will make something of my own life.