Sopranos, what a let down!

I know, I know, but I just can't help put my two cents in. Just like the other ten million or so viewers, I thought my cable went out at the end. I cursed and almost threw the remote at the tv. I actually drove as fast as I could from Silver Springs, Maryland just so I can can the last 1/2 hour. To see that psycho Phil get whacked was like getting a lap dance from one of the girls from the BING, watching as the truck get closer and closer to his head was like getting your face rubbed in it. The end? I'm a visual person, I don't need to imagine that Tony got whacked by the truck driver! So what if we're supposed to think that it wasn't Meadow that walked into the restaurant? How bout Pauly turning rat and walking in behind the Feds and giving Tony that smirk of his, you shoulda made me number two he's thinking. I was expecting to see the guy come out of the Men's room with the guns blazing, instead we get a blank screen. If they wanted a reaction, they sure got an explosion. This had to be the most unsatisfying ending to a show that I've ever seen.

As for the where I was speeding home from, we had gone to Maryland to help celebrate my nephew's graduation from University of Maryland. My brother Charles had invited us down for a little party so we drove down on Saturday afternoon. The party was in full swing when we arrived, there were drunk college students and drunk older people and we tried fitting in. Lilly is more comfortable with people than I am, she has that ability to sit in a crowd and pretend like she's paying attention. I'm around people all day at work so I tend to shy away and go for privacy when I am not working. I have very little to say to people and I haven't quite mastered the art of small talk. If someone were to take a video of me in a crowd, I would look like someone in excruciating pain who is unable to get help. I tend to disappear and sort of melt into the surroundings, most people at a party would swear that they saw me but wouldn't be able to describe what I wore. I was very happy for my brother,he would no longer be burdened with extra college debt by his son(Justin). He now has two more years of college for his daughter(Clarice). If given the chance at turning back the clock, I would happily trade places with my brother.

My brother Charles has been a second father to me for as long as I remember. He is 10 years older than me but has treated me as an equal for most of my adult life. When our family immigrated to the United States, my Father and Mother left behind very comfortable lives so that their three sons could make something of themselves. Both parents worked 6 days a week and 12 hour work days, my brother Charles took on the responsibility of taking care of me and my middle brother Phil. I can still remember the time that he caught me smoking at the age of 13, I gained a healthy respect for his belt. Charles was always the responsible one and the smartest. After one year of high school at Dewitt Clinton HS in the Bronx, he was accepted to Columbia University. He graduated with a BS degree in Chemistry and promptly started work for the FDA. He also started his graduate studies a Queens college, I'm embarassed to say that I do not know if he obtained his Masters degree or not. As the eldest son, he was responsible for the care of our parents as they got older. He helped care my Mother care for our Father as he regressed from a healthy 80 year old to a helpless 82 year old. Although my Mother lives alone now, she is only 10 minutes away from Charles care. When Samantha died, Charles was the first person I called to grieve, he and Kay drove the four hours to be with us in our despair. Charles broke the news of Samantha's death to my Mother because I did not have the courage or the heart to let her know that I failed in my duty as a dad to keep my daughter safe. His support has been immeasurable as we try to overcome the grief and I am comforted to know that Charles and Kay will always be there for us.

On Sunday, Lilly and I took Jonathan to see Samantha's resting place for the first time. I wasn't sure how Jonathan would react because we hadn't told him that Samantha was cremated. I dont't know if he fully comprehended why Samantha wasn't buried like his grandfather was but he finally had an idea where Samantha was. I kept thinking how peaceful her resting place was and I kept picturing in my mind, Samantha running around and doing cartwheels and hiding behind the trees. The flood gates opened and I was off to the races, even though we were not supposed to cry in front of her resting place I could not help myself. I wanted so badly to hold her and hug her but all I could do was whisper that I loved her and missed her very much. Even though I was overcome with grief, positive and happy thoughts of my daughter went through my mind. I felt so connected to this place that I did not want to leave, even after we left I had the urge to go back and be with my daughter. If it were up to me, our family would have already settled in Maryland. Although I wish to be closer to my daughter, I also wish to be closer to my Mother who is now 75 years old. But I've always respected Lilly's wish to be closer to her family and I think we've added a huge extended family in Nutley.