turning 40

Today is my 40th birthday. I don't feel much like celebrating, I'd give it all up to have Samantha back. I received a present from my daughter, we found it while cleaning up some of her things. She had made it and she had hid it so that she could give it to me on my birthday. I resisted the temptation to open it until today. She gave me 7 cents and 2 drawings. The 1st one is a drawing of her and her brother Jonathan playing in a field while it is raining. The 2nd picture is of a field with butterflies but she did not draw herself. I've been crying ever since. What did she mean by not drawing herself in the picture? I miss her more than life itself. Just to hear her laughing is all I want.

I am not looking to celebrate any holidays or birthdays anymore. I don't know how my wife and I will handle Mother's day. There is such a void in my wife's life right now, I don't know how she is able to get through the day. If she's anything like me, she's probably feeling alone and wanting to get our daughter back.