It would have been Samantha's 7th birthday today. I've been waiting for this day with trepidation, I didn't know how I would be handling it. So far so good. I had a good cry in the car while driving to work, I even have a happy pill ready just in case. I feel spent emotionally, Christmas, anniversary and now today. I just want to get through the day and go home for a long sleep. Unfortunately, sleep has been very hard to come by lately. I started to get up between 4am and 5am for about 3 weeks leading up to Christmas. I thought I could have a few drinks before bed to help me sleep longer but it didn't really help, I kept getting up in the middle of the to relieve the bladder. I finally got some relief the day after Christmas and I was fine until this morning. I woke up at 5am and just could not get back to sleep.
One of our friends gave us a dvd yesterday, it was from Jonathan's birthday last year. I have very little video of the kids and it has been one of my biggest regrets. We had to watch the dvd on our computer because it wasn't formatted properly. When I heard Samantha's voice, it was the first time since the morning I kissed her goodbye. I wanted to absorb every minute into memory, every last shout, every last laugh, every last movement. I was thankful for the chance to see her at play even if it was only in video.
Time to get back to work, I'll get back on later........
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Happy Birthday sweet little angel!! We are all thinking of you and miss you very much. Keep an eye out for Mommy, Daddy and Jonathon. They miss you more than you can imagine. All your friends sent you balloons along with your family for your birthday. Happy Birthday sweet little angel!!!
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