The other side of Happiness

I wake up now wishing your face would be an arms length from sleep weary eyes. I want to hear your oh so sweet voice just more time, telling daddy how much you love me. I go through your clothes, the ones your mom could not bring herself to give away and I inhale deeply just hoping to catch any remnents of your scent. I still look behind as I walk, thinking it might have been just another nightmare. Wanting to see you following without a care in the world. I hear your brother's giggles and I can hear you clear as day, laughing along for no reason at all. I feel the pain you must have felt in your heart the day you passed, I live with it every day.

I keep a picture of you on my computer, Uncle Rob took it for your passport photo. I'm overwhelmed by how beautiful and mature you looked. When work seems chaotic or I sense myself losing control, I look at your face for reassurance. I sometimes feel that tingling sensation, the goose bumps on the arms and I think of you. Are you keeping me company? How about that incident with the bed? I've been leaving the lights on without realizing it but there are moments where I wonder if it's you playing games with your dad. How about the close calls on the highway, there have been a few these past few months, are you watching over me? If it was one or two things that couldn't be explained, I probably wouldn't thinkg twice but the more I think back to these past months the more I'm beginning to suspect. You may no longer be here in body but you are with me in spirit.

Your Aunt Millie and Uncle Rob are finally getting married. They will tie the knot on Oct 7th. It hurts me to remember how much you wanted to be a part of their wedding. I don't want to be there but you know your Aunt Millie, I don't think she would forgive me if I didn't show up. She's been waiting for this day for a very long time. I will be thinking of you and I will picture you as the bride on your wedding day. On a day meant for joy, i will be feeling nothing but profound sadness.