missing you more than ever

it's been awhile since i last wrote and i guess it had to do lot with me not wanting to repeat myself in the posts. i realize now that no matter how many times i write how much i miss Samantha, it would never be enough. these past few months have gone by at a snail's pace for me, i used to think that time was running out on me but now i find that it can't go by soon enough. we've kept Jonathan occupied as best as we could this summer but there's something about him that's changed forever. he had this clownish personality to him that exuded a no care attitude about things. i see it far less now. maybe it was something i saw in Samantha and i am projecting it on him but it is definately not there as much. Lilly and i have been relying on each other to deal with our loss, after all who knows better than us how devastating it's been? it breaks my heart to see the sadness that is now permantly etched on Lilly's face, i see the same sadness whenever i look in the mirror.